Weight Loss Wednesday: Frustration
So this is going to be kind of a bummer for a weight loss post.. but you're gonna be here for me anyway and I will eventually do a blog about it. I have a slightly better one tomorrow and next week I'll probably have an even better one. I'm editing this like a week after initially writing this... so theres going to be an update on how I'm doing at the bottom.
So I'm frustrated because I'm going to Atlantic City soon and I want to get a new dress that I'm going to look super hot in and I'll look good in pictures and it'll just be perfect and I'll look skinny and beautiful and all the hot guys in the club will leave their girls to be with me and it'll just be a magnificent triumphant night where people are going to be like "Who is that girl? Is she a Kardashian?" And I'll modestly say "No I'm not I'm just an ordinary but beautiful girl. And I'm also smart and really nice." And people will always wonder about me and no one they ever meet in their lives will be like me. The Ultimate Cool Girl.
But... sadly that doesn't exist. 1) I don't have the confidence to even nearly pull that of. I don't think anyone in reality actually does. Basically I want to be Penny Lane. And I'm not. Lol. 2) They don't make clothes that look good on me because "my body is weird."
And like I know my body isn't weird, its average. I'm 200-ish pounds... I either lost weight or gained weight. I think I lost a little more and I was down 7 pounds from my original weight, which would make me 203... but for some reason I was thinking I was 205... so maybe I did gain weight... which would SUCK cause I've been working really hard to lose it... now I'm not sure. Ughhhh! I'll report back on this next week... but back to the main story.
I know my body isn't weird, my stomach is a little big and pudgy. Thats all. The rest of me looks fairly normal. My legs and arms aren't that big, and they've slimmed down a bit... its just that most clothes today seem to be for girls with tiny bellies and tiny arms and big booties and small boobs and that isn't me. I have a big belly and big boobs and a big booty and non-tiny arms. Is there anything that will make me look normal? Because I think I look pretty normal in real life, but clothes aren't designed for normal people. Uggghhhhhh.
Also I feel like I don't want to shop with other people cause I can't tell if they actually like something or if they're being nice. Or if they're being gentle, but too subtle so that I can't get that I look bad in something or just not sure what to say because everything is going to look the same on me and my belly will just stick out no matter what and that isn't what is considered beautiful in our society.
And why isn't it beautiful in our society? So its a little big, so it sticks out a little. Its still beautiful. Its got a belly button and there are curvy hips that look nice and you can tell there are abs underneath all of the flab that is my stomach? Why is it just the abs that are hot? Why isn't my flab just as hot? Why isn't the itty bitty waist and the round thing in your face a stomach? Why are Dad Bods considered hot, but god forbid you have a mom bod cause thats just gross. Screw it. Whats hotter than creating another person? NOTHING! Moms are hot! But I'm not a mom... so I'm just an out of place un-hot person that is actually quite hot in real life, in my opinion at least.
Also remember the person I told you that was getting me down and I was just kind of dealing with it because I know how this person lets just call him or her Cactus... I know how Cactus is in real life and I know Cactus didn't mean any harm by it... and Cactus recently complimented me but then also said something... Cactus-y that hurt my feelings... so I think I'm going to kind of ignore Cactus as much as I can. The people that connect me to Cactus understand this I think because Cactus is quite prickly and I don't really want to get pricked when I know how hard I'm working.
So... in conclusion.
Flab is hot, even though I'm kind of trying to get rid of it.
Moms are just as hot as dads.
Cactus will remain Cactus.
I'm hot, so deal with it and change your beauty standards because clearly I'm hot and should fit into them!
And I don't mean to make this all "ME ME ME I'M THE HOT ONE" but this is my journey, I'm speaking for myself and no one else and you can listen if you want to. Or don't. But don't tell me I'm ugly because you would be wrong. Lol.
UPDATE: I am now about 197... so I'm down 13 pounds from my start weight already which is awesome. I'd like to be 195 before going to Atlantic City on the 19th... so lets hope that works out!
So I'm frustrated because I'm going to Atlantic City soon and I want to get a new dress that I'm going to look super hot in and I'll look good in pictures and it'll just be perfect and I'll look skinny and beautiful and all the hot guys in the club will leave their girls to be with me and it'll just be a magnificent triumphant night where people are going to be like "Who is that girl? Is she a Kardashian?" And I'll modestly say "No I'm not I'm just an ordinary but beautiful girl. And I'm also smart and really nice." And people will always wonder about me and no one they ever meet in their lives will be like me. The Ultimate Cool Girl.
But... sadly that doesn't exist. 1) I don't have the confidence to even nearly pull that of. I don't think anyone in reality actually does. Basically I want to be Penny Lane. And I'm not. Lol. 2) They don't make clothes that look good on me because "my body is weird."
And like I know my body isn't weird, its average. I'm 200-ish pounds... I either lost weight or gained weight. I think I lost a little more and I was down 7 pounds from my original weight, which would make me 203... but for some reason I was thinking I was 205... so maybe I did gain weight... which would SUCK cause I've been working really hard to lose it... now I'm not sure. Ughhhh! I'll report back on this next week... but back to the main story.
I know my body isn't weird, my stomach is a little big and pudgy. Thats all. The rest of me looks fairly normal. My legs and arms aren't that big, and they've slimmed down a bit... its just that most clothes today seem to be for girls with tiny bellies and tiny arms and big booties and small boobs and that isn't me. I have a big belly and big boobs and a big booty and non-tiny arms. Is there anything that will make me look normal? Because I think I look pretty normal in real life, but clothes aren't designed for normal people. Uggghhhhhh.
Also I feel like I don't want to shop with other people cause I can't tell if they actually like something or if they're being nice. Or if they're being gentle, but too subtle so that I can't get that I look bad in something or just not sure what to say because everything is going to look the same on me and my belly will just stick out no matter what and that isn't what is considered beautiful in our society.
And why isn't it beautiful in our society? So its a little big, so it sticks out a little. Its still beautiful. Its got a belly button and there are curvy hips that look nice and you can tell there are abs underneath all of the flab that is my stomach? Why is it just the abs that are hot? Why isn't my flab just as hot? Why isn't the itty bitty waist and the round thing in your face a stomach? Why are Dad Bods considered hot, but god forbid you have a mom bod cause thats just gross. Screw it. Whats hotter than creating another person? NOTHING! Moms are hot! But I'm not a mom... so I'm just an out of place un-hot person that is actually quite hot in real life, in my opinion at least.
Also remember the person I told you that was getting me down and I was just kind of dealing with it because I know how this person lets just call him or her Cactus... I know how Cactus is in real life and I know Cactus didn't mean any harm by it... and Cactus recently complimented me but then also said something... Cactus-y that hurt my feelings... so I think I'm going to kind of ignore Cactus as much as I can. The people that connect me to Cactus understand this I think because Cactus is quite prickly and I don't really want to get pricked when I know how hard I'm working.
So... in conclusion.
Flab is hot, even though I'm kind of trying to get rid of it.
Moms are just as hot as dads.
Cactus will remain Cactus.
I'm hot, so deal with it and change your beauty standards because clearly I'm hot and should fit into them!
And I don't mean to make this all "ME ME ME I'M THE HOT ONE" but this is my journey, I'm speaking for myself and no one else and you can listen if you want to. Or don't. But don't tell me I'm ugly because you would be wrong. Lol.
UPDATE: I am now about 197... so I'm down 13 pounds from my start weight already which is awesome. I'd like to be 195 before going to Atlantic City on the 19th... so lets hope that works out!
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